Christmas holidays with the family: When teenagers oppose (tips)

Christmas and New Year’s Eve holidays mark the beginning of a joyful and carefree period; it is the perfect circumstance to take a break from the everyday grind, relax, socialize, and have fun! In fact, for many people, these holidays are a family affair. Perhaps, the image of the family gathered around the festive table next to the Christmas tree, exchanging their Christmas presents seems typical and ideal. However, what happens when children are going through the restless period of adolescence and do not feel like spending their holidays with family?

Christmas and New Year’s Eve: Celebrating with family or friends?

It is quite common for many teenagers to show no special interest in Christmas and New Year’s Eve customs, such as exchanging gifts, eating with family, cutting the Christmas cake, etc. For this reason, many parents often deal with feelings of surprise, bitterness, disappointment, or annoyance when they first perceive their children’s lack of enthusiasm. In fact, teenagers prefer going for walks, playing, gathering with their friends and -most importantly- socializing with their peers. Consequently, they may refuse to participate in family trips and excursions or try to avoid visiting their grandparents, even feel displeased at the idea of celebrating with their uncles, aunts and many more relatives.

Before all the distress, irritation or sense of rejection sets in, parents should think rationally and calmly. Are teenagers truly asking for something absurd or unreasonable?

Christmas and New Year’s Eve holidays may be a family affair, but they also have a wider social dimension for many people, let alone teenagers. Besides, teenagers usually do not wish to be completely absent from family events. What they really want is to spend some of their free time with their friends, socialize, feel autonomous and independent. For this reason, prior to accusing adolescents of rudeness or disrespect for family and customs, parents should try to take teenagers’ needs into consideration. Discussion, calmness, and willingness to empathize will really help into reaching to the best solution:

• Allow children to spend part of their holidays (usually on Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve) with friends instead of their family.
• Encourage them to invite their friends over to the house and give them the space and privacy they crave.
• If possible, motivate them to invite a few good friends to the village for the holidays.
• Open up to them. Explain why it is important to you that you all attend the family holiday meal together. Ask them to be present for a while and leave when they feel like not having fun.
• Encourage them to call on the phone their grandparents who do not live in the same town. If you live nearby, arrange a visit on a day and time you mutually agree on, so they can meet them.
• Many parents must be away from home for several hours, even on holidays. In this case, allow the children to spend part of their holiday at friends’ homes or encourage them to accept an invitation to go on an outing with their friends. In any case, do not try to cover your absence by spending money on material goods. Make the most of your free time by planning something meaningful (e.g. a performance, concert, cinema).

As much as they crave independence, socialization and acceptance from their peer circle, teenagers need their parents’ understanding, care and love. Therefore, there is no dilemma between celebrating with family or friends. We vote for Christmas holidays with family AND friends!

Understanding and respect will create the most beautiful and sweet memories. Happy Holidays!